Have you ever thought about the significance of midnight? It can mean a bunch of things. Obviously, it’s the moment we all count down to on New Year’s Eve. It’s the moment when each day has a changing of the guard and brings us a new day. Even Disney got in on the action by allowing Cinderella to have her magical night, only to return to her normal life at the stroke of midnight. I’ve never really had any sort of attachment to midnight. That is, until one Friday night.
It started out like a normal Friday evening. I decided that I needed to get out of the house for a bit so I chose to go visit Brett and the rest of the bartending gang. I was excited to get to see not only him, but the usual gang that is in there on a Friday night. I walked in, and was excitedly greeted by both Brett and the other bartender. “What’s up?! Where have you been?!” they asked, “you’re usually here earlier on Friday nights.” “Oh, I was busy haha!” I replied.
I sat at the end of the bar as Brett brought my beer over to me. Normally, we would participate in a small conversation as our first interaction, but the bar was busy so he didn’t have a chance to stay. I instead began talking to the other bartender, Jasmine. I’ve grown fond of her and her boyfriend over the past few months and have enjoyed talking to her. She was excited to share the news that she was able to get some great seats to see Justin Beiber.
As the night went on, the interaction between Brett and I began to be like normal. He asked if I had wanted another beer and I nodded my head. He poured it, and since I was in an awkward position at the corner of the bar, he was looking to slide the beer across the bar rather than set it down. He tested out the slickness of the uneven surface with the bottom of the glass. I thought he was going to let it go so I jumped off my stool to avoid beer being spilled on me. “Don’t you dare think about it,” I told him as I jumped. He just gave me one of his usual smirks and laughed. “You are such a spaz! It’s too easy to scare you,” he said.
We exchanged pleasantries after that then he had to go back to work. I could tell it was getting closer and closer to closing time because he began the usual cleaning of the bar and the bottles of liquor. I noticed that for some reason, it was taking him a little longer to do the cleaning. He kept returning to the other end of the bar to talk to a girl. I could immediately feel the jealousy come over me as he laughed and smiled with a young, brunette woman that had her hair in a bun. I couldn’t help but notice their interactions. I noticed that they resembled the interaction that he and I normally have. The laughter, the smiling, the lingering, and the sarcastic smirks…it was almost like I was seeing how we looked for the first time. The jealousy began to grow.
“Do you know that girl?” I heard Jasmine say as she sat next to me. “No, I don’t. Do you know who she is?” I asked her. “I think so. You know how he’s always on his phone when he’s not busy?” she asked. “Not really, I guess I don’t really pay attention,” I answered. Though I did notice he was spending more time on his phone. “I think that’s the girl he’s been sort of seeing lately,” she said. Immediately I could feel my heart splitting in two. The lump in my throat immediately returned and I couldn’t help but feel the emotions rising to the surface. I simply swallowed the feelings and put on a fake smile.
“Oh really?! I didn’t realize he was seeing anyone. He hadn’t mentioned anything,” I responded. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s her. See how he keeps going back and getting his flirt on?” she asked. I didn’t want to look, but I knew I couldn’t let her see the hurt I was feeling. “What are you two talking about?” he asked as he walked over. Jasmine and I quickly tried to cover up the topic of our conversation. “We were talking about getting drunk during our birthdays,” I quickly responded. It was like he could see right through me because he just stared at both of us. “I know that’s not what you were talking about…so what was it?” he said. Jasmine and I just continued to sit there in silence and stare at each other, trying to quickly think of something.
“Who’s that girl over there?” she finally asked. “That’s Megan,” he answered. “I knew it!! I’m so good at this game!” Jasmine exclaimed. “I knew that’s what y’all were talking about! I don’t know why you guys didn’t just come out and tell me!” he told us. The conversation continued but I immediately tuned them out. I had to focus all my attention on trying to act normal and not let my emotions get the better of me. I couldn’t afford to let them see how heartbroken I was over the news I just heard.
Jasmine continued to talk to me about her. “She’s not what I expected him to go for. I think he could do so much better! Who comes in to see your boyfriend or whatever dressed like you just left the gym?” she carried on and on. I could tell she wasn’t too pleased with Megan, which made me feel somewhat better. “He’s like an older brother to me so she better take good care of him or else she’ll have to deal with me,” she added.
I was so focused on trying to keep it together that I didn’t realize Brett was waiting for me to pay my tab so he could close out the register. “Hey, can you sign that please?” he had to ask me, snapping me out of the trance I found myself in. “Oh yea, sorry…here you go,” I said as I handed him the receipt. “Well, you guys have a great night! I’ll see y’all soon,” I said as I quickly made my way to the door. “Have a great night!” both him and Jasmine said.
I made it into my car and immediately felt the emotions coming back up again. I looked at the time and realized it was midnight. The fairytale was over. Just like Cinderella, I was forced to realize that I had fallen in love someone that I could never be with. We were from two completely different worlds. Much like the stories of two people belonging on opposite sides of the tracks, I knew we could never be together.
I began to reflect on all of the amazing moments and conversations we had had during the past few months. It was then, at 12:01am, that, for the first time, I felt heartache and I could do nothing but weep. Midnight had definitely brought on a new day; unfortunately, it was one that I knew would be difficult to get through.
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It’s difficult times like this that I am incredibly thankful for music. Last year, there was a new album that was released that I couldn’t wait to listen to. When I played the album, I was immediately stopped dead in my tracks when I reached a certain song. The song was bold, beautiful, and incredibly well written. It was a song about heartache, jealousy, and love. I never imagined I would get so attached to someone that, should it end badly, I would be able to relate to it. But, on that Friday night, I played the song on repeat as I quietly wept on the ride home and as I fell asleep. The album was titled Pain Killer by country music group, Little Big Town. The song? “Girl Crush.”
The Bartender and Me 